Yesterday was leftover night for dinner, and I thought I was in a fight with my wife. In my head, she had already met with the lawyer that morning, divided the bookshelves, taken the good coffee mugs, filed custody paperwork for the cats, and was telling future friends at dinner parties about the exact moment she realized she could no longer live with me. I ate cold, limp spaghetti noodles while hunched over the kitchen sink and mentally priced studio apartments, drafted explanation speeches for the kids, and pictured myself alone under a threadbare blanket that smelled vaguely of cat.
Except what really happened was that she was doing a bit of paperwork on the laptop, I interrupted her concentration at the wrong moment, and she just happened to snap at me, “What?!”
One of the first homes I sold was a double-wide manufactured in Barrington, New Hampshire. The owner loved her Glade plugins. She didn’t have a smelly golden retriever, a cat with intestinal problems, nor did she smoke in the house, let alone anywhere else. She just really liked Glade plugins—heck, I have one near the kitchen sink where I ate the cold spaghetti. But the home inspector marked on their report that there were a lot of Glade plugins, which probably indicated a bad smell somewhere. The two bathrooms were also missing their sink drains.
The buyer’s agent called me with bad news, “My clients are worried the house is a money pit. They’re worried about the smell and the sinks. What else is wrong with the house?”
“Uhm, you have the entire report. There’s nothing wrong with the house.”
“I know, but—”
I could hear her shrug over the phone.
I immediately told my client to remove all the Glade plugins and replace the sink drains. Then I told her we were no longer under contract because the buyers had imagined problems that didn’t exist. We lost a lot of sales momentum over that. We were off-market for several weeks, and when we put the for-sale sign back up in the yard, I fielded a ton of questions about why the earlier deal fell through. Eventually, we lowered the price. Over Glade plugins and two sink drains. That was the moment I learned it’s almost always better to order the home inspection before a house goes on the market than to wait for the buyer to do it.
And you know, the first time I saw a home inspection report was as a Realtor who holds multiple degrees in communication, and I was confused, and had to read the report three times before I understood what I was looking at.
The inspection report feels like someone handed you a medical chart for the house and quietly suggested you sit down before reading because, well, cancer. The document is longer than people expect, anywhere from a dozen pages to over eighty, filled with photos, checklists, disclaimers, system-by-system notes, catch phrases like “recommend further evaluation by licensed contractor.” The summary section gathers all the defects into one concentrated place before you get to the actual report, which not only lists all the other stuff moving through the home from roof to foundation, but also repeats everything that was already mentioned in the summary. To a first-time reader, the report feels grim, technical, and negative because inspectors are trained to document risk. The real task is not deciding whether the house has problems because every house has problems, but figuring out what kind of problems the house has: normal maintenance issues (like missing sink drains) or true deal-breakers (the foundation is actually crumbling).
The buyer’s agent should not only prepare their client for the report, but also walk them through step by step. As the listing agent, though, you have no control over the kind of agent the buyer chose—or how well that agent does the job.
THE FOOTNOTE
Real estate without the real-estate-speak.
A Coffee With Steve Publication
Because a house is often the biggest purchase a person will ever make, buyers do not reward uncertainty.
When a home listing is vague in details, buyers write their own horror stories and wonder what nightmare hides behind the fresh paint and decent lighting, and they start a narrative inside their head:
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What else is wrong?
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How much will this really cost?
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Why are they being vague?
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What am I not being told?
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If I buy this, what problem am I inheriting?
That internal spiral is where price drops are born.
I’m not saying every house needs an inspection before you stick the for sale sign in the yard. An overpriced property can signal an unrealistic or stubborn seller. An underpriced property, on the other hand, creates different anxiety; what bad news is that price trying to get ahead of? Phrases like needs TLC, priced for repairs, or some deferred maintenance may sound candid, but if those descriptors are not anchored to specifics, the copy creates more fear. Photographs depicting dark rooms, clutter, awkward angles, or just too few images in general register as signs of neglect.
A listing agent’s job is not to hide flaws, but to remove uncertainty. If I’d just asked my wife what was going on when she snapped at me, I would not have moped around in the kitchen slurping down cold spaghetti. The buyers who freaked out over Glade plugins and sink drains were reacting to a report written in a style and format they had likely never seen before and, frankly, one that is confusing even when you know what you’re looking at. Someone should hire an English major to redesign those reports. Until then, the listing agent must build the entire listing experience around clarity—from the photos and their captions to the description to the documents shared between agents.
And if you want to chat about selling your house without inviting strangers to write horror fanfic—just hit the big green button.
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About this publication.
Coffee with Steve is an independent publication by Steve Bargdill. Views are my own and do not represent Keller Williams Coastal & Lakes & Mountains Realty (“KWCLM”) or any other organization. Each Keller Williams Office is Independently Owned and Operated.
Not advice. Content is informational and educational; it is not legal, tax, or financial advice and does not guarantee results. Talk to a licensed professional who knows your situation before you act.
No agency created. Reading this does not create an agency relationship or agreement for services. Brokerage representation requires a separate written agreement with KWCLM.
Licensure. I am licensed in New Hampshire. Equal Housing Opportunity.
Wire-fraud warning. During representation by Keller Williams, you will never be asked via email to wire funds to anyone, including a title company. Do not follow email wiring instructions. Always verify by phone using a trusted number.
You can reach Keller Williams Coastal and Lakes & Mountains Realty at 603-610-8500 or Steve Bargdill directly at 603-617-6018.
Steve Bargdill | Realtor & Author | Seacoast NH | Licensed in NH as Stephen Bargdill Jr., with Keller Williams Coastal & Lakes & Mountains Realty.
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