One recent Saturday, I drove 40 miles north to Woodsville, NH, to attend the wake of a 95-year-old farmer. His antique tractor was idling outside the funeral home, bringing joy to those gathered. I had known this man, who always had a smile on his face, and his son and grandchildren when I lived for 36 years in nearby Pike. Both Pike and Woodsville are villages in the Town of Haverhill that I represented in the state legislature more than 20 years ago.
With a population of 4,600, Haverhill is wedged between the Connecticut River and White Mountains and has a rich agricultural heritage. When I first moved there in the 1980s, it was the largest dairy-producing town in the state. While many fields are still mowed for hay, family farms are nearly all gone, as the economics of agriculture have changed dramatically in recent years.
While celebrating that heritage and beautiful scenery on my drive, I also felt a deep sadness for future generations who won’t have the opportunity to make a living off the land (and experience the lifestyle and pride that go with it). It is also hard not to notice boarded-up businesses and homes needing repair.
I contrast Haverhill with Lebanon, NH, where my wife and I moved in 2023 to be closer to our son and grandson. This small city (population 15,000) has a major medical center, prosperous manufacturing businesses, and nearby Dartmouth College. According to NH Employment Security, Haverhill’s 2022 median household income was $59,000 with 10% below the poverty line and 18.5% of adults ages 25 and up with bachelor’s degrees or higher.
That compares to Lebanon with $91,000 household income, 8.4% below the poverty line, and 55.8% with college degrees. There are many jobs in Lebanon and nearby Hanover, but most people from Haverhill and other towns cannot afford the high-priced housing there, so they get by with longer commutes.
In the 2024 presidential election, Haverhill voters went 60% for Donald Trump and 39% for Kamala Harris, while Lebanon voted 25% for Trump and 74% for Harris.
Two communities — so close but so different.
This is a microcosm of the national geographic siloing trend, where people tend to live and primarily interact with others who have the same ideas about politics. I am sure there are some in prosperous communities like Lebanon who think of people in Haverhill as backwards rural people who aren’t educated or smart enough to know how to vote. And there are rural folks from places like Haverhill who look at people in Lebanon as elitists who look down at working class people.
Having lived in Haverhill and Lebanon, I deeply appreciate these two communities and know there are many caring, thoughtful people in both. Sadly, there aren’t enough opportunities to better get to know those in different communities. People easily fall into stereotyping and oversimplification. If we are going to get past this country’s division, we need to find ways to facilitate connection so that people get to know and understand better those with different life experiences and perspectives.
Many people are concerned about the country and are protesting, writing letters to the editor, and attending public hearings and town hall meetings. These are obviously all legitimate actions within our system of democratic governance. At the same time, I suspect that a more impactful way to benefit our country might be to build a relationship with someone who voted on the other side of the political divide.
Reach out and have coffee. Learn about their family, childhood and school experiences, work and career, hobbies and other interests. Be curious and respectful, ask questions and learn that person’s life experiences and why they voted the way they do. And, of course, share your story. Your lives can be enriched, as will our nation. Positive change, starting two people at a time.
I am co-authoring a book, “Beyond the Politics of Contempt: Practical Steps to Build Positive Relationships in Divided Times,” scheduled for publication on July 4, 2025. Subscribe to our free “Together Across Differences” newsletter at togethernow.substack.com for updates and articles related to the book, and how we can each contribute to building a nation of kindness, dignity and respect.
We each have an extraordinary opportunity to make a difference in people’s lives, including our own. Don’t underestimate your impact!
