I drove over the road truck out of desperation.
The first time I tried to open a pizza shop, I failed so miserably and completely and we were broke and needed money. During an episode of Ice Road Truckers, I said to my wife, “Maybe I should do that.” She looked at her pregnant belly and said, “Yeah, maybe you should.”
Nevermind I knew nothing about driving a truck.
I left a few days after my son G. was born. I cannot describe the anguish I felt, but Mary and I have always been of the attitude, “Do what you gotta do.” So I left and spent more than a month in a hotel room, and the first truck I was in, my trainer had family in Dayton, Ohio–only an hour and a half from from my home. He made sure we had plenty of runs through Dayton, but refused any thought of driving just a little bit farther so I could see my newborn son, my daughter, and my wife.
My second trainer spent most of her time at various truck stops, and I always seemed to have the cab to myself at night because she was busier than a lot lizard.
We were up in Connecticut through Christmas and New year’s, just waiting on a load to deliver somewhere. My trainer dropped the trailer and we drove to a little bar. I was so lonely. Felt cut off and like an utter failure. I didn’t have my degree. I didn’t have a pizza shop, and I didn’t have my wife. That New Year’s Eve, I had no one to kiss at midnight.
The waitress who served my beer was everything I had ever wanted since high school in regards to looks. Long dark hair, dark eyes, just the right size–um, you get the idea. She asked me what was wrong. I told her, and she was my New Year’s Eve kiss, and it was so easy, so off the cuff.
I left the bar and made my bed in the truck knowing full well I could have went to that waitress’s house instead. My trainer asked me why I didn’t. I told her I was married. She said she was married too, and that out on the road, it didn’t matter if you were married or not married, that you just needed the human connection, that sex was only touching, body parts rubbing up against each other, and sex didn’t need to be anything more.
And she was/is right.
Sex doesn’t need to be anything more, but love is a choice you make each and every day, and it is never an easy off the cuff choice.
For more, read All Marriage is Hard Marriage by RealMarkLandry